[Still] Relating With Yourself While Single

[Still] Relating With Yourself While Single

Hlumelo Petros

Still carrying on from last week’s Relating With Yourself While Single, these are the other the other things that I did to affirm my identity in God.

Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness

and all these things shall be added to you

Matthew 6:33

Dealing with the Mind and Confronting the Past

In order to figure yourself and your behaviours out, you must find the roots of your behaviour and challenges. As somebody who didn’t grow up with both their parents and was raised telephonically by a single mother, it was no wonder I couldn’t identify with myself — I didn’t have anybody to identify with or to emulate. I wasn’t sure about how to be a woman and I wasn’t sure about what to expect when dealing with men. Once I identified my vices and confronted them head on, I learnt to forgive myself for not becoming who I thought I should be and instead, focused on walking in who God says I am.


As I started walking into my new-found identity, I wanted to adorn and surround myself with beautiful things. I bought jewellery that brought out the colour of my eyes; read books and watched tutorials that challenged my mind or creativity. I surrounded myself with beautiful people and things that brought pure joy into my life. I learnt not to take myself too seriously and learn to live in the moment and spent much less time on social media. Explore your passion and skills. Discover what you have been called to become.

Choices and Self love

Initially going through the process, I realised that I would face many challenges and many obstacles in my journey of happiness and self-discovery. How do I let go of over 20 years of pain and miseducation? How do I make sure I don’t fall into old patterns of self-hate and poor choices? Well, essentially it is a choice. Recognise that not everything is easy to fix and maybe you’re not ready to bury every skeleton in your closet just yet — and that is okay, take it day by day. Learn to love and to choose yourself every day.

Before you can truly love someone, you need to love yourself first wholeheartedly and be satisfied with being by yourself. I am an advocate for strong and healthy relationships but if you don’t know how to love yourself before entering one, you may do more harm than good for yourself.

Honourable mention: Servitude

Offering yourself to serve for the Kingdom allows for you to explore and look beyond yourself. Through serving others we learn true humility, humanity and compassion.

I’ve come to realise that we don’t really know ourselves. We don’t know how much power we carry but we can trust our own Creator to show us who we are, how to properly and truly love ourselves — and eventually, become fully able to love somebody else who also loves themselves the right way. 

Choose God every day and all that is missing will be added unto you daily. Amen!


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  1. This has saved me a lot of heartache. I have began a journey of healing and self love. I grew up without a father and now need to learn to trust God and heal and learn in this season of being single. A lot to say but this gave me hope and power. I can do it through Christ.

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