Relating With Yourself While Single

Relating With Yourself While Single

Hlumelo Petros

For as long as I can remember, I always thought love was a fairy-tale. I thought I would grow older, meet the love of my life, get married, have children — and live happily ever after. ‘Prince Charming’ would come riding in on his trusty steed, ready to rescue me from the big bad world of financial poverty and “demonic singlehood”, he would whisk me away into the sunset, and I would live happily forever. Although I’m somewhat hopeful, relationships don’t necessarily work that way.

 A few years back I found myself in a “perfect relationship”. The guy I was dating at the time ticked all the boxes of what I thought I wanted in a life partner. He was a man of God, had a good relationship with his parents and was very driven. I had even met his family and there had even been talks of marriage. Although unbearably passive, he was perfect. A year into our relationship, I realised that I wasn’t happy. I had everything I thought I wanted except true happiness. I remember feeling a great sense of relief once he and I had broken up — I realised that something was amiss within me.

Eventually I came to realise that I wasn’t happy because I didn’t know myself. I couldn’t identify with the young woman in the mirror and I couldn’t identify with the body she was in. Feeling completely lost and depressed, I “humbled” myself before the Lord and asked for Him to show me who I am. The scripture that He revealed to me was:

Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added to you


Matthew 6:33

What did this mean to me? I wasn’t sure — but I allowed God to lead me and here are parts of what I did.

Prayer and Meditation

Every morning I would wake up and be in the Word and do a short prayer. I would daily affirmation from my time in His presence and be confronted by scripture that tells me about my lineage, my identity, my place in the world and in God. I would also identify how it applied to me in my life.

Positive Words and Self-Affirmation

It was time to put my new-found knowledge and understanding to the test. Every morning, I’d go into a well-lit room, look myself in the mirror and look for a bodily feature and personality traits, to compliment myself on. I eventually grew confident enough to confront other parts of my body (losing 18 kgs in the process). I became very certain of myself and my body.

(Next week, I’ll share the rest of what I did — and would like to encourage you to choose God every day and all that is missing will be added unto you daily).

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